--------
On a sticky note on my desktop, I posted this verse:
No, in all these things we are more
than conquerors through him who loved us.
Rom 8:37
All of the memories of those last few weeks of the 1st sem suddenly flooded my thoughts. The paralyzing fear that I wasn't going to pass my subjects and the need for taking the removals, or worse, having to repeat the year. The feeling of having to give more of yourself, when you know that you're absolutely exhausted and you're not exactly sure if what you have to give is enough. And of all that horrible thoughts I've had during those last few weeks, I think the worse was the doubt -- doubting my purpose, should I actually be in medicine at all?
But in the end, as usual, He has been faithful to his promise. Now that I look back, it does make sense that there is literally no need to worry. If I knew then, what I knew now, that I would come out a 'conqueror' maybe the Fear, the Insecurity, the Doubt - all those thoughts didn't have to be thought. I am a conqueror through HIM who loved me.
---------------
So that's one ovester down, and nine to go. The second is starting on Thursday and as I find myself planning, a new set of thoughts are revolving around my head. Fear is still lingering, what if I don't make it. Insecurity is still there telling me that I'm not as good as the others and that there is reason to worry. Doubt is still there telling me that maybe you're not supposed to be here in the first place and that you are not equipped. Morbid as it may sound but I just took out my 'sword' and imagined piercing through these monsters, cutting them open and putting them in their place (as I will have to over and over again this ovester). I think the summer version of me is already looking at this moment saying, these thoughts need not be thought. I am a conqueror through HIM who loved me.
